» Posted by on Dec 12, 2018 in Articles, Books, Counseling, Education, Love, Relationships | 0 comments


Dr. Lessin: Janet received this email from a female correspondent I’ll call Sally. Janet referred Sally’s email to me for comment.


Sally: “I had questions regarding the Lingam [penis] massage I have been attempting on a partner and hoping to improve.

“I want to know about incorporating oral/fellatio to a lingam massage. We find it difficult to withhold ejaculation during the massage–something we should better control.

Dr. L: Try this, from TEACH TANTRA: 

            Give all-chakra satisfaction to your partner; the experiences below, gives him support and emotional access to bring sex and spirit together for you both when you make love.

            Giver, reserve four hours with your Receiver in a lovely, peaceful, private sanctuary.  Arrange music, flowers, incense, food, your costume and your body to delight him.  Then do the exercise, “Put Him in the Mudra”.


            Lie on your sides; face each other.            

            Put your right hands on each other’s hearts

            Put your left hands on one another’s perinewums.  Chant “Lam” three times; tighten your rosebud sphincter after each.  Send energy from your base chakra to his and say, together, “I wish you health, safety and security”.

            Move your left hands to each others’ genitals, send each other sexual energy and chant “ Vam” three times and squeeze your PC muscles.  Send each other sexual energy with each “Vam”.  Say, with each other, “I wish you sensual delight and sexual satisfaction.”

            Raise left hands to each others’ bellies.  Chant “Ram” three times and, with each “Ram,” send empowerment rays through your hands into each others’ bellies.   Say, to one another, “May you take what’s yours in life.”           

            Put your left hands on each others’ right hands, at each others’ hearts.  Send love and chant “Yam” together three times.  Say, “I love you; I receive your love.”                                               

            Lift left hands to the back of each other’s throats.  Chant “Ham” three times together and feel the throats vibrate.  Hear (in your mind’s ear) words you’d say, songs you’d sing each other.  Make a sound together.  Say, “Tell your truth.”

            Put your foreheads together, look in each other’s eyes, place left hands each others’ heads.  Chant “Ooo” three times and experience psychic contact.  See your other lives together.  Say, “You know.”

            Put your left hands on each others’ crowns and chant “Mmm” three times.  Picture radiant energy flashes between your crowns.  Fantasize that you meld into a single spiritual being with two complementary parts–not just a dyad, but a two-part spirit, a synergad.  Say, “We are one.”


     Lie on your back.   Relax.   [Give him time]  Put my left hand on your heart, my right on your lingum (penis) and jewels (testicles) and put your hands atop mine.   Close your eyes.  [Take three deep breaths, imagine sending energy into his heart through your right hand, receiving it through your left.]  Ok, let’s gently release our hands; lower them.

            Feel your genitals–your sexual chakra; notice your heart, your love chakra.                       

            Reconsider your lovers from days gone. Tell me their names, I’ll write them.  ***

            Lover 1 [Write it]

            Lover 2

            Lover 3

            Lover 4


            For each lover on this list,  starting with LOVER 1:                                                                    

a) Tell me the YEARS you were involved and how old you were, *** [Write them next to the name indicated]

b) Say WHERE you were when you related to her, the key EVENTS in your relationship ***  [Take notes next to the name indicated]

c) Tell me your EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL SHARING with each. ***   


e) Summarize the events, sexual and emotional sharing and the developmental tasks we’ve experienced together.  ***

f ) Imagine  [Lover 1: Say her or his name] is before you.  Toward her, express your LONGINGS, what you wished you could have shared with her or him. *** 

g) Express to her or him any WITHHELD FEELINGS, things you didn’t get to say.***   

h) Tell her or him your RESENTMENTS ***

 i) As you imagine her or him before you, tell her or him  your DEMANDS, what you really wanted from her or him ***        

j) Say, to her or him, your APPRECIATIONS ***      

k) Tell her or him what you REGRET. Tell her what you FORGIVE her or him for *** 

l) Tell ____ [Lover 1: Say her or his name] WHAT YOU LEARNED from being together. ***

m) FORGIVE YOURSELF aloud for not doing better. ***

n)  Bid her or him FAREWELL. ***

o)  How, if you had it to do over, would you DO BETTER in the relationship with              [Lover 1: Say her or his name]?  ***  

p) How can you apply that improvement to your relationship with me? ***


          Imagine [Lover 2: Say her or his name] is before you.  Toward her or him, express your LONGINGS, what you wished you could have shared with her or him. ***           

            Express toward  [Lover 2] any WITHHELD FEELINGS, things you didn’t say fully *** 

            Tell her or him your RESENTMENTS *** 

            As you imagine her or him before you, tell her or him your DEMANDS, what you really wanted from her or him***   

            Say, to her or him, your APPRECIATIONS ***

             Tell her what you REGRET.  Tell her what you FORGIVE her or him for *** 

             Tell  [Lover 2: Say her or his name] WHAT YOU LEARNED from being together. ***      

             FORGIVE YOURSELF aloud for not doing better. ***

              Bid her or him FAREWELL. ***

              How, if you had it to do over, would you DO BETTER in the relationship with  [Lover 2: Say her or his name]? ***

             How can you apply that improvement to your relationship with me/a lover?  ***   

OTHER LOVERS: Answer each question above, as you did for lover 1 and 2, for each additional lover; clear with each.   


The man lies on his back.  The Giver rests a hand on his heart and dedicating the focus on him to his healing and the healing of all men.  Then let him set his intention in receiving your love.

Massage him all over except his genitals and base anal chakra.

Treat the Receiver to the following HAND STROKES [suggested by Charles Muir, Lingam Strokes, Source Tantra, 1997] about five minutes each.  Encourage him to make sounds, give verbal feedback and pulse his anal sphincter whenever he feels uncomfortable.

Press along his wand with your hand or thumb and index finger. 

Scratch wand lightly. 

Pat and slap it lightly. 

Throw it from one of his thighs to the other and from one of your hands to the other.

Point the tip of his penis toward his navel, hold the base in one hand and, with the heel of your other hand, press penis from tip to base, them from base to tip. 

Slide your hands and pull the wand; vary strokes from hard to feather-like.

Lubricate your hands.  Hold the base of his wand with one hand and twist the other around the wand in a corkscrew motion.  Alternate hands.

Point his wand toward his navel and alternate pressing the tip with your thumbs.

Trace circles on the tip and each part of the shaft.

Point the penis toward his feet and caress it from tip to base.

Roll the wand between your hands. 

Tickle and scratch his scrotum. 

Lightly hold each testicle separately.

ADD ORAL STIMULATION to his lingam.  Salivate generously on the tip and if he is uncircumcised, gently work back his foreskin.  Lick and kiss every part of his lingam and jewel sack as you simultaneously stoke his lingum and massage his perineum with your fingers.  Gently stroke, lick, then put your mouth over his jewels.

            As you run your lips down the shaft, trace the penile tissue through his scrotum and along his perineum.  Twirl your tongue around the crown of his penis the way you would like him, if you are a female Giver, to twirl his tongue around your clitoris through the clitoral hood.  Look up into his eyes as you lick the underside of his wand, let him see your love for him in your eyes. 

Let your tongue move in opposite directions from a corkscrew motion you make on his wand with your hands.            

            The Receiver should exercise ejaculatory control.  To avoid squirting before ready, Receiver identifies sensations the moment before ejaculatory inevitability–sensations just before seminal vesicles and prostate empty.  If Receiver does ejaculate, swallow his ejaculate and thank him.  You’ll at a later time resume your attention to his lingam until he learns ejaculatory control.

            EJACULATORY CONTROL: After inhale, Receiver moves his chin back toward his throat, keeping his neck straight and long. Then he exhales. While empty of air, Receiver pulls his belly in and up toward his throat). He tightens his anal sphincter and pubococcygeal muscles–pretends he’s stopping urination or preventing vacating bowels.  He imagines pulling energy up from his rosebud and genitals, up through his spine, out the top of his head and into the Giver’s crown (instead of out Receiver’s wand as ejaculate). When he inhales, he imagines he’s pulling energy into his genitals from the Giver.

            Avoid last-second ejaculatory blocking techniques such as squeezing the head of the penis or pushing the external perineum from outside the body through the intervening tissue into the ejaculatory duct, thus blocking it.  Such mechanical interference with fluid pushed out yet prevented from exit may damage the urethra.


            Breathe together.  Adore the Receiver with your eyes, while you hold his wand.  Caress Receiver’s wand, jewel sack, jewels and perineum with your fingers, hands, breasts, lips, tongue, genitals and other part’s he might find pleasurable or interesting.  Touch, hold, then massage each inch of Receiver’s perineum and rosebud (the entrance to his cave).

            Receiver says what he feels, remembers and imagines as Giver holds Receiver’s wand in one hand and, with the ring finger of the other hand, traces the door to Receiver’s cave.  If the Receiver tenses but wants to continue, Giver tells him to control the pace, pressure and depth of digital penetration by pressing his cave onto the Giver’s finger.

            When the Giver’s finger first enters the Receiver’s rosebud, Giver and Receiver remain motionless for a few minutes.  Maintain eye contact and breathe together.  Encourage the Receiver to emote, giggle and make sounds.  Make sounds with the Receiver.  Giver sends love to the Receiver through the finger in the Receiver’s cave and through the hand or mouth on the Receiver’s wand.

            Then Giver begins a gentle, “come-here” motion with the ring finger.  Giver fondles the front inner wall of Receiver’s cave, pulling gently from the pubic bone toward the jewels.  Giver moves her or his finger like a windshield wiper over the front wall of Receiver’s cave.  Giver traces circles and figure-eights on the wall of Receiver’s anal cave.  Giver alternates speed, depth and pressure of stroke.  See, in Receiver’s eyes, the effects of touches.  Giver says, “Tell me if any place I touch inside you feels pleasurable, hurts, burns or feels numb.” Remember the spots Receiver finds pleasurable.

            If the Receiver notices a painful, numb or burning spot, ask him to close his eyes and notice his fantasies, memories and associations.  Encourage him to express his emotions as he shares.  Ask him how he’d re-do the scenes he associates with his pain.     

            Giver says, “If you’d lived the way you preferred, how would your life have been different?  How would you be now?”

            Then, Giver, move your finger back and forth from the spot that had the painful association for Receiver to a spot the that had a pleasurable association for the Receiver until Receiver reports both spots feel good.  Tell him to remember, in situations that resonate his painful imprints, that he can live from his re-done scene (with its growth pattern)– rather than from the self-limiting program associated with the story he recalled.  He has, remind him, choice.


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