» Posted by on Jan 5, 2012 in Love | 0 comments


It’s very hard to make love with someone and not fall in love. Relationships can also be conditional love, so loving someone’s not purely dependent on sex being a part of the equation. Loving unconditionally is the key, whether or not someone is involved with you in any way, shape or form, sexually or not.

Proximity enhances bonds. Distance can create distance. Love and involvement are two different things.

Test is, can you unconditionally love those with whom you are no longer involved?

When you reach that state of grace, you have arrived. A smile springs up on your face, the great light bulb of the eternal “ah-hah” lights up above your head and you grok it. Samadhi. Peace.

Death often is the first teacher where one learns how to love unconditionally. From there it’s often an easy step to learn unconditional love with those who cannot be with you or consciously chose to no longer be physically connected (sexually or in relationships) with you.

No matter what happens, you can chose to return to love. Always return to love. It is a choice. Life constantly delivers lesson on love. Embrace them. Love is your teacher.

A beloved died a couple weeks ago. Being polyamorous, I can acknowledge love freely with my husband and it is expected, in many ways, that the love we once felt with beloveds, even though they are no longer with us, continues. We don’t have to say silly things about past lovers like, “I loved them so much,” as if loving them now, while involved with our current partner, is some kind of sin. We openly acknowledge, embrace and accept love, celebrate it, whenever and with whomever love was and is shared.

This partner moved away, physically left us over 10 years ago. He was part of a couple. We didn’t communicate much over those years. But on his death bed, he proclaimed his love for us. And his wife made sure we knew how much we were loved by him. What a gift.

I appreciate how mindful and respectful we all were of one another’s feelings over the years. It was not appropriate nor convenient for our relationship to continue with the same depth and intensity it once had when they made the decision to move away. But the love we felt continued. Neither time nor distance made it fade. That’s perhaps the test of true love. For true love is truly unconditional. And I have been blessed to receive and give unconditional love in this lifetime.

Sexuality faded away for us. While it was pleasant till it ended, it wasn’t the end of love when sex was no longer in the equation.

So while it’s difficult not to fall in love while making love, once love happens it’s very difficult for love to stop. And what a gift that is.

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