HOW I LOVE MY WIFE by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.
Dean, School of Tantra www.schooloftantra.com
For most American live-in couples, evenings end with “I’m too tired to make love” according to NEWSWEEK. 20% of America’s couples share intercourse less than 10 times a year. This “bed death” causes relationship death. But rejoice; the Daily Double Tantra Connects offer an alternative to weakening libido and breakups.
DAILY DOUBLE TANTRA CONNECTS
Wife Janet and I make love at least twice–usually three times– a day. We work at home and create our own schedule, so scheduling’s easy for us. We recommend you and your live-in make dates to touch souls and genitals twice daily.
3AM: I feel a gentle kiss on the lips. But then I feel tickly whiskers and hear purring and realize it’s my cat, Cleo. Cleo wants me to feed her and put her outside to pee. This accomplished, I work at my computer till 7, do yoga till 8, then make breakfast for Janet.
FOREPLAY FROM THE GETGO
I start foreplay–I fix tea, toast and turkey bacon. Then, also foreplay, I hear and help her expand her dreams, twilight imaging and plans for the day. I focus on her, serve her and make her receptive to afternoon lovemaking.
About 10AM, I bike to the beach or gym, swim or lift weights, then pedal home. We eat, talk and shower for our afternoon delight-Honoring the Shakti Shrine and Embracing the Bucking Bull.
I ask Janet if I can undress her. I say what I admire about her body as I disrobe her. I invite her to lie on her back, touch my right palm to her heart and put her right hand on my heart. I rest my left hand on the back of her right. I say, “Put your left on my right.” We gaze deeply into each other’s eyes.
I say, “I’m delighted to serve you, my Shakti.
I love this intimacy. May my adoration heal hurts I and others caused you. May our hearts join. Meet me, your devotee, at the Yoni Nadi Shrine. There, together, we transcend our separate self senses and join the cosmic dance.”
Then I ask, “What words have you to consecrate the worship I offer?”
RUB HER RIGHT
I ask if she’d like a massage; she rolls onto her belly and I gently tug her toes, rub her soles and legs, massage her fingers, palms, arms, then back and bottom. I help her turn over on her back. I keep eye-contact with her as I massage her front; first feet, hands, arms and legs. Then I glide my hands over her torso, barely brush labia and nipples and gently massage her belly. I pull her rectus muscles from side to side and trace her ascending, transverse and descending colon clockwise. I massage her face and head. Finally, I stroke and knead the muscles inside the leg (especially the gracilis muscles, where the clitoris roots insert). I press my fingers deeply into the muscles above her pubic bone.
“May I touch your Sexual Shrine?
” If she consents, I connect all her chakras with sacred sector energy. I rest my left hand gently on her heart and hold my right hand over her yoni (vulva). I beam love from my eyes into her left eye. We breathe together three times, then I settle my hand gently on her mons and say, “I love you. Feel our hearts connect; energy vibrates between us. I send you love as I breathe out; inhale it.” I exhale, draw my navel back toward my spine and up, tighten my pubococcygeal and anal sphincter muscles and imagine energy fountains up my spine from tailbone, through my heart and out my right hand into her yoni.
As I inhale, I feel energy I sent her move through her heart into my left hand. My right hand stays on her yoni, my eyes stay on hers as I slowly move my left hand to her crown. “Goddess of Love, I invoke thee and invite thee to enter Janet’s crown and move through her central channel to her yoni shrine,” I say. Then I move my left hand to Janet’s brow chakra. Successively I move my left hand to her throat, belly and rectal chakras. For each, we take three breaths, eye-gaze and connect with each other energetically.
I say, “I’d like to fondle your drapes and the skin over your pearl.”
When she says, “Oh, yes; please,” I say, Make sounds and direct me with words; give me feedback.” I gently stroke her outer labia, roll the clitoral hood around but avoid directly touching the crown yet. When her outer vaginal lips swell and reveal the inner lips, I softly trace circles, spirals, horizonals, verticals, diagonals, and figure-eights on them.
I alternate long, short, inventive, sensitive and playful strokes, softly tap, knead and pinch the hood and labia, then brush the crown.
POLISH HER PEARL, LICK HER LABIA, PET HER PUDENTIA
When inner labia engorge, I ask, “Would you like me to polish your pearl?” (pearl = clitoral crown). As we hold our gaze, I blow on her outer genitals, plant baby kisses and twill my tongue round on her crown, lick her labia, flick my tongue into her yoni. My mouth envelops her clitoral hood and, through the hood, my lips stroke her inner clitoris. I salivate generously; lubricate her orifice.
After thirty minutes, I say, “I’d like to enter your sacred cave with my finger.” If she says, “Yes, I wet my right ring finger in my mouth and softly touch her vaginal opening and say, “Pull my finger in.” When I feel her vaginal muscles pulse, I ease my finger into her cave. Inside her yoni, I curl my finger toward her navel. The finger rests gently against her sacred sector/Gspot/yoni nadi. We breathe ten breaths together while I imagine my finger extends energy from her yoni to her heart.
With the finger inside her, I trace a light “come here” motion, caress her G-spot, slowly and softly trace her cave’s the inner upper surface from cervix to orifice as I kiss her pearl, lap her labia, wet her with saliva.
I turn my wrist from side to side which moves the finger inside Janet in a crescent-pattern on the urethral sponge atop her yoni ceiling.
After fifteen minutes, I ask, “Would you like two fingers inside?” She nods and I curl my right middle and ring fingers together along her yoni’s ceiling. I move these fingers up and down the transom over the door and out the yoni, with a “come here” motion–cervix to orifice. My left hand rests gently on her belly and I press the ring and index fingers of this hand above the pubic bone until I feel my fingers inside push to meet my fingers that press her abdomen externally. I create interactive dances for my fingers inside her yoni and the ones outside her belly. I feel her sacred sector swell between the fingers on her abdomen and those in her vagina.
I memorize which internal locations give Janet pleasure.
If, while I touch inside, she tenses, numbs or burns, I say, “Free associate–say whatever comes.”
She remembers touch, sex and times that traumatized or closed her down emotionally and sexually. She relives and relates childhood events, pastlives, fantasies, abductions, spirit attachments.
She screams, cries, laughs, makes strange sounds. “Let your feelings out, Sweetheart.”
I hold her as she sobs and speaks to each person who hurt or neglected her. If she tells me she’s angry at me, I say, “Louder. Let me know how mad I make you.”
When she’s expressed all her emotions, I ask her to fantasize, rewrite and roleplay the situation. I ask her to create an affirmation that reinforces the program she’d like to keep for situations that evoke the hurt she emoted.
I keep my fingers inside on the spot that triggered her catharsis as I enact her parent or lover the way she wished they’d been.
When she relaxes, I move my fingers back and forth from the area that stimulated the painful memories and an area that felt good when touched until she enjoys both places.
ENJOY HER EJACULATION
When Janet recognizes, releases and creates alternative outcomes and we have paired the trigger areas–areas that initially burned, hurt or felt numb–with pleasure, she orgasms (spasmodically contracts her vagina). I make sounds with her. As she orgasms, she simultaneously ejaculates-dribbles or squirts (a few cubic centimeters to several ounces) divine nectar (amrita)–clear or slightly milky, sweet- tasting, alkaline fluid from her urethra into my mouth. I croon, “You’re beautiful,” “I love you,” “You’re coming into your power,” and other affirmations.
These affirmations imprint powerfully as she ejaculates. I keep my right hand in her Yoni and hold her close. After several minutes, with added lubricant, very carefully (to prevent tearing the now-desiccated tissue), I withdraw my fingers. I lie next to her, holding her tight, my hand on her yoni.
FEEL FINE WITH 69, THEN RIDE THE BUCKING BULL
I lie back and we move into mutual oralgenital loving. Janet turns about, kisses my lips, looks in my eyes, slips my wand into her yoni, rotates and pumps her pelvis around the wand.
I avoid ejaculating, I pull my belly toward my spine then up (belly hold-uddiyana bandha) and tighten pc muscles (mula bandha) when I feel prostate and seminal versicles nearing discharge. I save my seed for our evening tryst.
(If you don’t have time for this full afternoon connect, at least spend fifteen minutes sitting with your legs over each others’ hips or lying on one another, gazing in each other’s eyes. Let your genitals touch. If you’re a man-woman pair, stuff the man’s wand into the woman’s cave, even if he’s limp. If the man has an erection, insert but don’t move. That’s your preview of coming attractions; save your energy for evening.)
After our afternoon connect, Janet and I work a few hours, then walk through the woods to the mailbox. I make dinner, we share our news, then go upstairs.
BLESS YOUR EVENING LOVEMAKING
At night Janet lies on me. We breath together, then syncopate breath-take turns, exhaling through the mouth into the other’s nostrils, saying, “Take in my love, hold it in.” and, inhaling, “I take in and hold in your love.”
I Imagine running energy from my perineum, genitals, belly, throat, heart, brow and crown–chakras into Janet’s. We take three such syncopated breaths for each chakra, bless each as follows.
We pulse our anal sphincters and say, “I love you. Feel your base and enjoy health, safety and security.”
We snuggle our genitals together, we say, “I love you at your genitals, and bless your sensuality, creativity and sexuality.”
We touch bellies and say, “I love you in your power chakra; take what’s yours.”
We rest our right hands on each others’ hearts we say “I send you love from the heart.”
With our hands behind each others’ necks: “May you speak honestly and sing your true songs.”
We join brows and look up into each others’ eyes till they appear to merge, then say, ” I celebrate how you understand and intuit.”
Finally, we flow energy between our crowns and say, “I merge with you. May you experience unity with the Universe.”
ENGAGE IN EXTENDED LOVEMAKING, EMPLOY HAND-ASSISTED TECHNIQUES
After we kiss, twill, and play orally with each other’s genitals, I lie on my back. Janet sits on my hips and inserts my wand in her yoni. I reach my right hand behind her buttocks and use this hand to direct my wand’s angle and stroke in her yoni to rub, churn and tap my wand tip against her favorite internal erotically charged loci.
As her excitement builds, I very gently insert the ring finger of my left hand into her rosebud. I coordinate how I move this finger with the way I use my other hand to move my wand in her yoni. Through the tissue separating the yoni and rectum, I let my finger and wand feel each other and respond together to Janet.
After Janet’s had as many orgasms as she wishes and drenched me in amrita, she asks me to roll over on her and release my seed as I look in her eyes. We make ever-louder exclamations then roar like lions as I squirt. I remain inserted several minutes, then kiss her lips, whisper love words love, invite Cleo the cat onto the bed, read a little Zecharia Sitchin, then sleep.