Polyamory

TANTRA TEACHER vs DETRACTORS a funny but instructive youtube

»Posted by on Feb 20, 2013 in Articles, Chakras, Classes, Love, Polyamory, Relationships, Sexuality, Spirituality, Tantra, Traditional, Videos | 1 comment

TANTRA TEACHER vs DETRACTORS a funny but instructive youtube

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Chakra 4: GIVE,GET, BE LOVE Internet Radio & Articles by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.

»Posted by on Nov 3, 2012 in Love, Polyamory, Relationships, Tantra | 1 comment

Chakra 4: GIVE,GET, BE LOVE Internet Radio & Articles . Listen to internet radio with Aquarian Radio on Blog Talk Radio   Click the arrow in the embed above and hear our show.  Chakra 4, Give,Get, Be Love . . HEED YOUR HEART: Exercises with Tantric Partner by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D., Dean, School of Tantra . Do these exercises and you and your partner will open up your heart chakras and lovingly integrate your reactions to all your own inner voices, to each other and to the world. . Face each other in the Open Heart Pose Below: . Left legs forward, stretch your arms back, palms toward one another.  Open your chests to each other. .   Close your eyes.  Pretend you each STAND BEFORE SOMEONE you love–other than each other.  Beam love to the person you imagine before you. .   Finish the sentence in italics below aloud as you imagine a person you love faces you. You and s/he each speak at the same time to the persons you imagine (ignore for now what your partner vocalizes): “Here’s what I love about you ….”  (Remember, this is the person you imagine, not your actual partner; you’ll get to your partner in a bit). .   Imagine the person you visualize sends love to you; receive it. . Eyes still closed, broadcast love from your heart to your family, community and humanity.   . Open your eyes.  Beam love to each other.   . Access what you love about each other.  Then sit together.   . Say whom you saw and felt love toward when you had your eyes closed.  Share what you thought and felt when you sent love to her or him. .   Tell each other what you thought and felt when you sent love to your family.   . What did you think and feel when you sent love to the world? .   Complete, to each other: “WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU IS ….”.   EMBODY AFFECTION . Become your Love Chakra. Say what you want.  Say why you want that. .   How would your person live if you, Romantic subself, were the sole voice she or he heeded. . How do you balance your Giver and Taker subselves. . Relate what you’d do if you dictated love on Earth. .   *** . APPRECIATE  PLEASER & TAKER TOO: Center your Heart Center When You Both Give & Get Love .   Read the cues in bold below aloud to her; give her a few minutes to respond to each. .   Sit on this cushion–the place for your CENTER, where you  hear your inner selves. .   Tell me about your Pleaser, your nice part, that makes other people happy. .   What’s your Pleaser voice like? . What does it do for you. . Shift to a new position, a seat for PLEASER. . Hi.  Enact Pleaser.  Say what you do for    [partner’s name]. . When did your life as distinct Pleaser subself start? . What’s your history,Pleaser? . How do you protectherfrom  hurt, fear and insecurity. . What have you contributed to her or him? . Say what you’d like her to acknowledge and appreciate. . Thanks.  Let her return to Center position. . Hi, Center.  Tell me about your TAKER, the part Critic calls “Selfish”, the subself that wants you to have what you want. . Move to a seat for that self.  Be Taker.  Say, Taker, what you do for her or him. .   Say the main times you emerged, times you helped her or him. .   What would you like her or him to appreciate you for? . Relate when, nowadays, Taker, you’d like her or him to assert needs better.   . How, from your perspective, does she or he do in meeting her or his sexual, assertive and creative needs? .   Thanks, I liked talking.  Now let [partner’s name] return to CENTER. . Now move again; stand behind me, in the WITNESS position.  I review what your Pleaser and Taker said. ###[Summarize what you heard] .   Stand.  Embrace impartially.  As Witness, you don’t decide anything.  You just sense each voice’s energy as I tell about them. . [Say what you noticed about her Pleaser and Taker] Nod, “Yes,” when you feel them. . Return to the CENTER cushion. Experience the middle.  Feel and appreciate Pleaser and Taker. . Say what you learned. . CONSTELLATE  INNER LOVER . “Embody your Ideal Lover.  As Ideal  Lover, describe your existence–what you feel, think and do for your woman or man, how you regard her or him, what you do to help her...

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THE POLY LOVE-IN: SHARE SACRED SEXUALITY & Poly Vetting Checklist by Janet Kira Lessin

»Posted by on Oct 31, 2012 in Love, Polyamory, Relationships, Spirituality, Tantra | 1 comment

THE POLY LOVE-IN: SHARE SACRED SEXUALITYby Janet Kira Lessin When you and new lovers get together to make love for the first time, you can better honor your fertility and health concerns once you’ve heard each other’s sexual health information, asked questions and perhaps performed a home-HIV test. .   Each of you tells her or his sexual history.  Share your test results for sexually transmitted and other contagious diseases.  Say who and how you’ve touched sexually since your last HIV tests.  Say what methods you used (or didn’t) for disease protection.  State your fertility status. .   Notice your partners’ body language and eye movements as they share their sexual history.  Body and eye movement can indicate truth (people lie most about sex).  Ask questions until you get enough information to make intelligent decisions. .   WEIGH WHAT WANT & DON’T WANT. . Focus, breathe, find your center.  Notice signals your body sends you.  Is your belly tense, head aching, breathing rapid?  Then gather your thoughts and take turns saying what you seek, prefer and what you do not want sexually with each person at the love-in.  Consider all health, emotional and social factors and remember, you can say “No” anytime. .   CENTER YOURSELF BETWEEN INNER GIVER & TAKER .   You may hide your desires if your Giver– an inner voice that says to please others first—dominates you.  Your Giver knows how to make other people comfortable.  Trouble is, sometimes giving becomes more than an option, your Giver becomes your main voice, the only one you hear inside.  Your Giver takes you over and can ignore your own needs. .   If your Giver dominates you, you do what other people want you to do so they’ll like you.  You think, “I’m nice and just naturally try to make them happy first.”  This may please them and you for a while. .   But when you automatically please others first, you suppress your ability to choose how you want to interact sexually with your lovers at the love-in.  The Giver, always gratifying others, keeps your Taker–the part of you that wants to meet your own needs—offstage. .   Offstage in your unconscious, your Taker gathers strength and bitterness and can explode without consideration of your inner ecology or relations with your polymates. .   What works for me is inclusive, pair-bonded loving (Mono-poly), with Sasha and I each having a veto on one another’s sexual involvement.   Sasha never exercises his veto, but I often do.  In inclusive loving, all sexualloving takes place in each others’ presence.  Relating to other couples has to be right for both of us, no small requirement, since we’re bi, eccentric and intense and we need all-round approbation with our lovers. .   Show your protective voices that you can, from your discerning center, experiment with new behaviors and still feel secure.  From your Center, face your sexual self, overcome your family and cultural programming, burn karma, heal trauma and drop inhibitions.  If your love group encourages emotional release and reprogramming, emotions you experience in the love-in give you a chance to heal and learn. .   STATE DESIRES & LIMITATIONS .   Tell each person how you want to share sex with her or him.  You don’t have to justify a request; just state it.  Hear but don’t judge other’s requests. .   When you request, say, double penetration, your love-in lovers may or may not give you that.  If they ask you to do something you need not comply.  Offer each other alternative intimacies.  Match your sexual interactions with your comfort level.  Perhaps, refrain from coitus at first.  A man may, in some instances, ejaculate only with his mate but share oral sex with others in the group. .   Many woman, like me, were forced, raped, controlled, manipulated or dominated by male caretakers or lovers.  We may have attitudes that limit our sexuality. .   If you have primary partners present at the love-in, after each person expresses sexual wants and limits, tell your partners how you feel about their sexual desires for others and ask them to say how they feel about your sexual requests.  Reach consensus with your partners before engaging in sex with others. .   Always honor and respect the wants, desires and needs of your partners to limit how you relate to the others at the love-in.  Give your primary partners they want and thereby create space for their healing, space where they can feel safe.  Then they can open up later on in the current encounter or future episodes rather than retreat and shut down from this experience...

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Monogamish Couples Share Their Stories

»Posted by on Jan 5, 2012 in Love, Polyamory | 0 comments

Monogamish Couples Share Their Stories By Dan Savage • January 6, 2012 From : http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/articles/42014/savage-love-monogamish-couples-share-their-stories/ Why do most people assume that all nonmonogamous relationships are destined to fail? Because we only hear about the ones that do. If a three-way or an affair was a factor in a divorce or breakup, we hear all about it. But we rarely hear from happy couples who aren’t monogamous, because they don’t want to be perceived as dangerous sex maniacs who are destined to divorce. This state of affairs—couples who experimented with nonmonogamy and wound up divorced won’t shut up; couples who experimented with nonmonogamy and are still together won’t speak up—allows smug and insecure monogamists to run around insisting that there’s no such thing as happy, stable monogamish couples. “You know lots of couples who have had three-ways and flings who aren’t divorced,” I told the skeptics a few weeks ago, “you just don’t know you know them.” In an effort to introduce the skeptics to some happily monogamish couples, I invited coupled people who’d had successful flings, affairs, three-ways, and swinging experiences to write in and share their stories. The response was overwhelming—I may write a book—and I’m turning over the rest of this week’s column to their stories. —Dan My husband and I have issues like any couple, but I still smile when I see him walk into a room, and he still takes my hand when we’re walking down the street. For the past seven years, we have been “monogamish.” It started off with a discussion of “If you ever cheat on me and it’s a one-time thing, I wouldn’t want to know.” Then, when he turned 40, we had a threesome with a female friend. When I actually saw him “in the moment,” I didn’t have the jealous feelings I had always feared. There is no question that our relationship is our first priority, but just the possibility of a little strange now and then makes him feel like a stud. (And I reap the benefits!) I don’t much care for sex without emotion and affection, so my flings have been rather limited. We haven’t told our families or more than a couple of friends. I don’t want to deal with the judgment of others. For the first five years of my marriage, everything was great: lots of sex, both GGG, lots of love. Then my wife’s libido failed. Whatever the problem was, she couldn’t articulate it. After a year where we’d had sex twice, I reached out to someone else. I used Craigslist and I was honest: I explained that I had no intention of leaving my wife and that I was looking for someone in a situation similar to mine. It took months to find the right person. We struck up a years-long affair. At the same time, I had a wonderful-yet-sexless marriage. Then, after nearly four years, a strange thing happened: My wife’s libido came back strong. To this day, she cannot explain why it left or why it came back. With the reason for my affair gone, I ended things with my fuck buddy. And you know what? Years of honest talk made this easy. She understood; we went our separate ways. So I had a four-year affair without getting caught. Here’s how I pulled it off: I never told anyone about it ever, I chose a partner who wanted exactly what I wanted, we didn’t film ourselves (as hot as that sounded), we used condoms, I kept my computer clear of any evidence, and we never called or texted each other. My husband and I are monogamish but also LMGs—legally married gays. We feel tremendous pressure to be perfect. The thing is, we are perfect. We love each other, we support each other, and we have amazing sex with each other—and the occasional cameo performer, who is always treated with respect. (We have a rule about not inviting someone into our bedroom who we wouldn’t be friends with outside the bedroom.) That said, the fact that Ron and Nancy down the street are swingers will raise eyebrows, but it won’t impact the perceived legitimacy of mixed-gender marriage. But if Ed and Ted happen to invite a third into their bedroom, that would prove the gays are destroying marriage/the country/the fabric of the universe. Even other gays get judgmental. So, at least for now, our monogamishness is on a strictly need-to-know basis. And who needs to know? Just our sex-positive doctor and the occasional hot third who gets a golden ticket into our bedroom. I agree with you that we rarely hear about successful marriages that are open....

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