Posts made in March, 2013

MERGE WITH LOVERS; DISSOLVE SEPARATENESS ILLUSION: Keyes youtubes, Lessin Article, Do-It-With Partners Exercise

»Posted by on Mar 10, 2013 in Articles, Love, Relationships | 1 comment

MERGE WITH LOVERS; DISSOLVE SEPARATENESS ILLUSION: Keyes youtubes, Lessin Article, Do-It-With Partners Exercise

by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D., Dean, School of Tantra www.schooloftantra.net Heed what’s hard handling your honeys. Difficulties handling them expose your expectations that they’ll do what you want or forgo what you forbid.   But when you need your mates to make you happy, you produce pain. Sometimes you get your way, but sometimes you don’t. Why upset yourself over it?   Defeat your addictions–rigid conditioning that makes you hurt and angry. Addictions are hopes that hurt. They dictate how you and your darlings must relate for you to feel fulfilled.]   Replace your addictive demands with preferences. Get what you prefer and you smile. And if you don’t get what you prefer, you don’t cry. Preferences are wants which, when unmet, don’t make you moan.   IF YOUR PRECIOUS PEOPLE WON’T PERFORM AS YOU PREFER, PLEASE YOURSELF AND STILL APPRECIATE THEM   END SUFFERING: UPLEVEL ADDICTIVE DEMANDS TO PREFERENCES   1) Love is eternal, involvement, negotiable. Love your lovers forever, celebrate what you’ve shared. Wish them well and good-loving with whomever they connect, whether or not they keep connecting with you at the level and with the quality you want. You and they blessed each other, facilitated each other’s progress and development in life’s learning. Shower lovers past with appreciations and put your efforts into your currently active loves.   2) Uplevel addictive involvement–that which makes you suffer if you lack the contact you desire–to preference. If your attachment to a certain form of contact (regular alone time with a certain lover) hurts when you do not get it, transform that addictive demand (she must spend a certain amount and quality of 1×1 time with me) to a preference (I’m ok, in fact, quite happy, whether she does or does not spend time with me). Just keep telling your truth without blame or judgement to all concerned and enjoy what you’ve got, don’t sweat what you’ve not.   3) Reprogram the subself within you that perseveres in addictive behavior; find out when it came into your life, how it served you then, what it has done throughout the years to protect your vulnerability and what its interest is in holding on to the current diminishing relationship. Seriously consider other, more ecologically homoeostatic means of meeting the needs of this persevering subself’s addictive demands.   4) Never regard yourself as a second-class human, who must always defer to others’ needs. You’re sovereign; you must make yourself happy. Empathize with your own emotions, analyze your needs, make loving requests of those who care about you, requests that, if lovingly met, meet your needs. As much as possible, meet your own needs and experience the joy that attracts others to you.   MERGE WITH LOVERS; DISSOLVE SEPARATENESS ILLUSION   Here’s an exercise to do with each of your lovers. Do it and you and they’ll feel your oneness.   Sit with a partner. Maintain eye contact. Don’t touch.   Tell her or him, “I feel separateness from you when I say to myself … (specify all of the rational and irrational, serious and trivial, crazy and stupid and clear and astute things you say to yourself that make you feel separate from her or him.) Exhaust your list.   Your partner sits calmly and says, “Thank you” after each separation you enumerate.   Then have your partner tell you, “I feel separateness from you when I tell myself….” Encourage your partner to exhaust her or his separatenesses: calmly say “Thank you” for each.   Then join hands. Tell your partner, “I feel oneness with you when I tell myself ... (complete with all the things you tell yourself which make you feel close to your partner..) Reverse roles. Discuss your experience with this exercise.   When you raise your consciousness to the dyadic level you still keep your bodymind awareness, your distinct personality and your inner voices, should you choose to temporarily identify with them.   When you and your significant other expand consciousness of yourselves to internalize each others’ wisdom and concerns, you are on the dyadic level of consciousness. The energy, richness, complexity and awareness the two of you share exceeds the sum of both your individual bodymind energies and aware nesses. Your couple synergy is enhanced when you use your relationship so each of you grows and has more to give to the relationship as well.   Ken Keyes provided an excellent model for such synergistic dyadic consciousness. [Keyes, K., Handbook to Higher Consciousness, 5th Edition,: Living Love, 1979 and A Conscious Person’s Guide to Relationships, Kentucky: Living Love, 1979.]  Keyes says to welcome upsets in your relationship. You can use upsets to raise your consciousness....

read more