Posts made in October, 2012


»Posted by on Oct 6, 2012 in Love | 1 comment

SUPRESS SAMPSON’S SQUIRT: EXERCISE EJACULATORY CONTROL Sasha Lessin, Ph.D., Dean, School of Tantra . Men, to keep your utmost attention and sexual interest on your partner longer; avoid ejaculation. Don’t squirt from your lingam (penis) until you’re ready to reduce your sexual excitation. . You might, if you’re older than 30, want to avoid ejaculating even longer–for a week or two. . But don’t avoid intercourse. On the contrary, enjoy intercourse at least once a day, as part of at least one of your two daily tantric connects. . Tune into your body responses. Identify your sensations the moment before your moment of ejaculatory inevitability–the internal feedback you experience just before your seminal vesicles and prostrate empty.* When you feel the sensations that indicate ejaculation is imminent, stop vigorous pelvic thrusting. Hold your partner still too. Shift your attention to your gaze into your partner’s eyes, your hands and mouth (stroke, lick or kiss some very erogenous part of your partner), your voice (say something loving) or your breath. . Breathe deeply. After you inhale, move your chin back toward your throat, but keep your neck straight and long (throat hold). Then exhale. While empty of air, pull your belly in and up toward your throat (belly hold). Tighten your base and pubococcygeal muscles–pretend you’re squeezing to stop urinating or prevent vacating your bowels (pelvis hold). Imagine pulling energy up from your base and genitals, up through your spine, out the top of your head and into your partner’s crown (instead of out your lingam as ejaculate). When you inhale, imagine you’re pulling energy into your genitals from you partners’. Imagine you and your partner are a single energy system, circulating love and energy. . Avoid last-second ejaculatory blocking techniques such as squeezing the head of the lingum or pushing the external perineum into the ejaculatory duct, thus blocking it. Such mechanical interference with fluid being pushed out yet prevented from exit may damage the...

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»Posted by on Oct 4, 2012 in Love | 2 comments

Review of Sex at Dawn by Kamela Dolinov & Bonobo Bestowal Ritual for Pair Date by Janet Kira Lessin Review: SEX AT DAWN: A BOON TO THE OPEN RELATIONSHIPS Forward from   For polyamorists, swingers, and other practitioners of open relationships, America just became a slightly better place, thanks to the publication of Sex At Dawn, the new popular anthropology book that has been tearing up major news outlets.  Don Savatge called the book “the single most important book on human sexuality since Kinsey unleashed Sexual Behavior in the Human Male on the American public in 1948,” word about husband and wife duo Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha’s work has been spreading like…well, like prehistoric women’s legs. . According to Ryan and Jetha, the overwhelming physiological and archeological evidence shows that our pre-agricultural ancestors were not monogamous, nor even serially monogamous as some more liberal thinkers claim. Instead, these hunter-gatherers lived in “fiercely egalitarian” societies where everything was shared: food, shelter, parenting, and yes – sexual partners. The common mode of living in early human bands was apparently closer to a communal marriage than what we think of as a “traditional” one, in which paternity certainty was unimportant and women – as well as men – had sex as often as they wished with as many as they wished. . Predictably, a few misguided idiots and plenty of random internet commenters are responding to the book with a certain amount of vitriol. But more surprising is that the first three pages of today’s Google search for the book’s title are full of praise for the work – a wave of mainstream media acceptance of the idea that maybe, just maybe, our species isn’t naturally monogamous after all. . Ryan himself (clearly the public face of the book) has repeatedly said that people shouldn’t take their findings as carte blanche to cheat on their spouses, or that everyone should be polyamorous. In fact, it’s impossible to say at this moment what the impact of the findings might be on the lives of people who now, 10,000 years after the advent of agriculture, live so very differently than their ancestors did. . The popularity of this book and its scientific underpinnings are a huge step in the literature for those of us who have refused to buy into the monogamy deal. The idea that jealousy is not an inherent human state, that the exchange of sexual exclusivity for security and support is a cultural construct, and that the natural state of human sexuality is much more complicated than the overculture would have us believe may not go over well with everyone, but it is a great leap forward from the slew of evolutionary psychologists and other authorities from Darwin onward who have insisted on our species “natural” propensity for pair-bonded monogamy. *** . BONOBO BESTOWAL RITUAL FOR PAIR DATE by Janet Kira Lessin, Chief Focalizer, World Polyamory Association . Polyamory and bisexuality  reconnect to women –my mirrors, the divine feminine–in a path of self-discovery and exploration examining our current roles in relation to one another and developing new models of greater intimacy and deeper connection. . Hubby Sasha and I celebrate our sexual joining a couple we’ve gotten to know with a woman-to-woman rite I call Goddess Gifting Goddess.   .For me, the dance of two couples begins with the two women. Before my husband and I engage sexually with another couple, I talk with the woman and seeif we connect emotionally. I need to re-arouse in myself and feel in her the Divine Feminine-the sweet goddess solidarity we shared as girls-before sharing physical intimacy..I and many other women, need to re-arouse the goddess solidarity we lost when we developed sexually. When boys started oogling, we girls diminished our unity by competing with each other. We abandoned each other for boys. When a boy said he wanted to see me, I unhesitatingly said, “Yes,”-and blew off plans I had at the same time with my girlfriends. But I remember how close I was with my three girlfriends before that..I met Pam when I was 8, Tracy when I was 9 and Jill joined us when I was 13. We threw pajama parties, camped out, talked about boys. Four Musketeers, we united against the dark forces. We could hardly wait till school was out to see each other. In summer we clung together from dawn to dusk. We was sweet. . Then, Spring of ’67, Karl started hanging out- side my window calling for me to come play. A boy was here. He wanted me. But Karl’s best friend, Jerry, complicated things. .   Jerry dated Jill...

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»Posted by on Oct 2, 2012 in Love, Relationships, Spirituality, Tantra | 1 comment

 WHEN YOUR PARTNERS RESIST TANTRA by Janet Kira Lessin, Chief Focalizer, World Tantra Association   Sometimes one partner discovers tantric sex and their lovers don’t want to participate. Be honest with what you think and feel. Offer to show your lovers what you discovered and why you feel tantric sex’s a wonderful lifestyle choice. Speak to your partners about your desire to practice tantra. Give them a chance to be supportive. .  AVOID CLIMBING UP ON THE PULPIT . It’s almost impossible to convert someone to what you think and believe. Honor your partners’ path. Let them be themselves and be yourself as well. Like philosophy or religion, deep thoughts regarding spirituality and sexuality are unique to each individual and are very personal choices. . MAINTAIN YOUR PERSONAL INTEGRITY . Hold fast to your personal truth. Don’t succumb to emotional blackmail. When you keep your integrity you may suffer some consequences, but you’ll never lose yourself. . WORTH A MILLION . Supply your lovers with videos, u-tubes, web sites, books and audios to illustrate that tantra’s a sacred practice that enhances your relationship with them. Explain the mood, energy, spirit and philosophy of tantra to your partners. Videos are often the most effective mediums for beginners to understand tantric sex. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words, and a video is worth a million. . FEARS, CONCERNS, HONOR AND RESPECT . Tell your sweethearts that you understand their fears and concerns surrounding anything involving sex and promise them you won’t engage in any activities that are not in alignment with your relationship agreements. Then honor your word. Your partners deserves your love and respect. Shop around for a tantra seminar or practitioner that will honor, respect and support your relationship agreements. There are many to chose from. . BE HONEST, TRUE, LOYAL AND BLUE . Be honest if you decide to attend a workshop, class or see a practitioner without your partners. Explain that your intention in gaining this knowledge is to deepen your relationship and strengthen your connection with them. When you attend these functions, don’t do anything to create secrets, lies or withholds from your beloveds. In other words, would they want you doing what you are doing? If you think you can do something and not get caught, don’t believe it. We’re all psychic and they’ll feel your lies or evasions. Don’t create barriers to your greater intimacy and eternal bliss with your beloveds that you will never be able to heal. That moment when you cheat or sneak is not worth the pain you’ll reap in the long run. . REINFORCE YOUR LOVE . After your class, private session or seminar share your experiences with your beloveds. As you learn, show them the immediate affects of your training and your new-found sensitivity, loving ways, caring attitudes and spiritual depth. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a video is worth a million, then a person who changes for the good is worth a billion. Invite them to join you the next time you want to study tantra at an entry level event that would feel safe and is non-threatening to them. Be patient with them. Let them share their concerns and give you feedback. .  SUBCONSIOUS WOUNDS . Offer to go to a psychological counselor who specializes in tantric psychology to address any of their fears if they seem to over-react or become irrational. Your sweethearts may have been victims of childhood abuse which is repressed deep in their psyches and they need your love more now than ever.  . PLEASE GIVE ME PATIENCE . Be firm about your desire to continue your studies and reinforce your commitment to honesty and remaining true to your relationship agreement. Over time, they’ll relax and open up to the idea, if you remain patient, honest and consistent. . *** Janet Kira Lessin is co-author, with husband Dr. Sasha Lessin, of How To Really Love A Woman: 4 Tantric Trysts School of Tantra Books by the Lessins: How to Really Love A Woman by Janet Kira Lessin & Sasha Lessin, Ph. D.)...

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»Posted by on Oct 1, 2012 in Love | 0 comments

POLY TANTRA: POLYAMORY & TANTRA, A POTENT MIX by Janet Kira Lessin, Chief Focalizer, World Polyamory & Tantra Associations Poly-Tantra combines the best of tantra and polyamory. While polyamory and tantra are paths that each may be practiced by themselves, they go together like two peas in pod. . Tantra, also known as sacred sexuality, is an ancient high art form that means “weave”. With tantra you learn to master and weave energy in yourself and between you and your lovers. You connect deeper with your lovers. You feel your oneness with them and the world. The ability to weave energy between beloveds can prove to be essential when you decide to move beyond dyadic relating and practice polyamory. . In polyamory–loving more than one person in an honest and intimate relationship–you balance energy between two or among more than two lovers–a delicate dance. You embrace two or more people in your heart and keep them in your consciousness lest they feel left-out, hurt, abandoned. We’re all psychic and can feel it if we’re not primary in someone’s awareness. You nurture and support the Inner Children within each of your partners. . The Inner Child, the part of each of us who longs for and experiences deep, intimate connections, meets other people Inner Child to Inner Child, when you feel safe to be vulnerable. To make poly work, tune into, let yourself care about your lovers’ Inner Children; reveal your own Inner Child to them. . Ever notice how a child can play happily outside, unaffected when Mother”s busy inside washing dishes? When Mom’s keeping one eye on her child, the child seems content. But the moment the phone rings and Mom shifts her attention to her friend on the phone, the child becomes aware that Mom’s shifted her focus, and the child runs in the house demanding Mom’s attention. A similar thing happens in polyamory when you shift focus away from one lover onto another. So you need to be energetically sensitive when practicing polyamory so your lovers feel supported by your consciousness. Develop ways to stay connected with all your lovers. . Polyamory can be practiced in groups or you may encounter each of your lovers one at a time. Sometimes group love, sometimes one-on- one loving serves you best. Employ tantra and you can send energy and our each of your lovers and they can feel you whether or not you and and each of them are present in the physical space at the time you or they make love. . When you’re alone with one poly partner and apart from your other poly partner(s), you can be totally present with the one before you, while simultaneously sending love to those who are not. When you’re with one lover, phone your other lovers, the ones physically absent. Or speak of your experience as soon as possible with your absent lovers. Especially share the love you felt for them, even though they were absent while you made love with your other lover(s). . Polyamorous sexualloving in groups can be an interesting study in your humanity. Your actual experience up close and personal when your lovers love another people may differ from what you imagined you’d feel. Some feel joy when watching their lovers love one another. They feel empathy and total delight for what their lovers are experiencing. They feel compersion. Their lover’s joy is their own joy. They move into a total empathetic bond with their lovers, almost like a divine spiritual connection of oneness even though they may not actually be feeling the physical connection themselves. . USE JEALOUSY TO REPROGRAM SELF-DOUBT . Other people feel jealousy when watching their lovers. They experience insecurity, anxiety, anger, even rage. They may compare themselves to the other lovers in the group. Some put themselves down, say to themselves that another person their lover is sharing sex with is richer, better looking, brighter, smarter, thinner, prettier, bigger, smaller, they have better breasts, better penises. One woman in our group recently complained, “I hate so and so. She has better orgasms than I do.” . If you find yourself locked in comparison, you can use your upset to inspire yourself to improve yourself. If the person with whom you compare yourself negative, saying she or he’s thinner, you can lose weight. If you derogate yourself because you think your lover’s lover is richer than you, make more money. If you tell yourself the person you feel lesser than has breasts you like more than your own, learn to love your own breasts or get that breast reduction surgery you always wanted. . You can’t...

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